MAGIC MIKE BY THE NUMBERS

Over at the media website Vulture, writers Amanda Dobbins and Marisa Woocher have crunched the numbers on the crunched abs that we get to enjoy in Magic Mike. The two women distill the movie's skinload into pie charts and graphs, which, as USA Today publishers figured out long ago, is how we Americans like our information fed to us. Don't be boring us with no stinkin' thesis or theory. Give us the breakdown in living color! Seriously, I am not mocking the magazine or the women, I am mocking our short attention spa-- oh, hey, look...colored graphics. Prettttttttyyyyyyy!

Okay, I have completely stolen their thunder and brought it here. At least I did leave their logo on each of the graphs, and I AM recommending that you visit the website. That should count for something. Did anyone see my media disclaimer at the bottom of the page?  My lawyer says that that ought to cover my ass, unlike McConaughey's chaps.

Yeah, I have a lawyer. Sure do. Talk to him every day.  He wears a retainer. I don't know why, but that seems to be something you're supposed to tell people about your lawyer.  So, see Vulture, I have a lawyer AND he HAS a retainer. Did I mention my disclaimer?  That's supposed to be my "get out of jail free card." I hope you guys are old enough to have played Monopoly and get that reference.

Please don't sue me! 

Look at those stats. The movie is about male strippers and there are STILL more femme tits than male ass!