Saturday, August 4, 2012

FRIDAY FAB 40+ JASON STATHAM

As you've probably figured out by now, I am big on my theme weeks. I just don't like to part ways with a concept. Since the Olympics are continuing to entertain us in London, I put my mind to work on the ideal guy for today's Fab 40+ feature. Clive Owen, representing the hosts in Great Britain, was enormously successful last week, but who couldn't see that coming? 


Today I am at work and I had my Eureka moment. I thought of a handsome actor who is also British and who is also over 40 and who is also quite hot, but has one distinction from other considerations:  HE has actually been in the Olympics:


JASON STATHAM


Born in Shirebrook, Derbyshire, in central England, on September 12, 1967, his family would later move to Great Yarmouth, in Norfolk, on the eastern seacoast, where he would get into sports, most notably soccer (or, for my foreign guests, football), and then he got involved in diving. 


This seems to be the only accessible picture of him from that part of his life. He placed 12th in the World Championships in 1992 and participated in the Olympics that same year. In fact, stories suggest that he participated in two more Olympics for the United Kingdom, but nothing confirms it. He was on the national team for 12 years, so go figure.


A talent scout discovered Jason just based on his looks, and who is the least bit surprised?





Jason was a model for French Connection UK, and judging from how he wears a suit, who wouldn't want him to be a model for their product? 










The cat burglar is here to steal your jewels...

...and your heart....

He had to leave the party immediately to chase bad guys...and by bad, he means basically anyone who lives in Los Angeles...


I am telling you, Jason, Ralph Lauren and I are all doing our part to bring the beret back!





Is he in Chinatown or Palookaville?



Jason made the transition from diver to actor in 30 seconds. He was immediately put into Guy Ritchie's breakthrough film Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. From there his career has snowballed into a series of action pictures in which he plays to good guy from the working class, who is harassed by bad guys of higher stations. We know that he's working class because he's bald. If he had had hair, he would have played villains of better financial means. Cinema uses such shorthand, ya know. 









Here's the movie where he wields a gun...





This is why people don't like riding trains...


Did you know that Jason was in a musical?  Here he is performing one of the big songs....


Do, a deer, a female deer...

Ray, a drop of golden sun....

Me, a name I call myself...

Fa, a long, long way to run....

So, a needle pulling thread....

La, a note to follow so....

Ti, a drink with jam and bread...

Which brings us back much dough!


Jason is in the new movie The Expendables 2, coming out this summer. Jason is costarring with Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzen--ah, screw it. Let's just say every douchebag who's ever been in Hollywood. 

Here are some pics with captions....

"Damn Japanese watches are such shite!"

"You can't throw me out. I have insurance. See?"

"Damn!  Apparently they can throw me out!"
"My insurance company, Smith & Wesson, says perform the procedure!"
(You know that if a screenwriter sees this, that line is going to be in a film sometime in the future, and I won't see one red cent!)

"If this is how they handle jumping my heart, I'm afraid to tell them about my constipation."
Who says the American health care system doesn't work?

Okay, okay, those are from the stinkbomb of a movie known as Crank, not The Expendables 2.  Want to see something from E2? Here ya' go...



I love practical jokes. Look at this one. Someone moved the chart up 4 inches. 

"Okay, if I guess your first name, you'll let me go. Does it begin with a G?"

"I would look so much meaner and determined if I weren't wearing this particular shirt."


Apparently he was a gymnast, too.

This is a quiz:  Here we see Jason with:
a) Brian Bosworth circa 1985
b) Billy Ray Cyrus circa 1995
c) David Spade circa 2005
d) The guy who writes Jason's scripts


The House Atreides.  Am I right? Huh?


Look at that.  Can it be?  Why yes, Jason is smiling!  Now we need only find a picture of Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster!




Is it just me, or does England do everything in its power to de-sex their police?  Between bobby hats and these taxi driver caps, there's just no Magic Mike costume in the bunch! 


Does this one really NEED a caption?

All right, then, I'll give it a caption!


Here's a first.  Last week's Fab 40+ is holding a gun on this weeks bearer of the title. Boy, some guys don't give up the crown easily! 



Every week, these guys give me a reason to make a Camelot joke. Seriously?  Are we going there a third week in a row?


Okay, finally, here comes the part that you've waded through my self-impressed humor for:  the skin shots!
















Jason is one of the hottest pieces of manflesh to come along in years, yet aside from shirtless shots, he's so reticent to share the goods with us. If anything drives me nuts, it's when hot European actors come to the United States and adopt their pussy-whipped views on nudity (yes, I am mostly talking about you Olivier Martinez). In Europe they are getting naked early and often, but when Hollywood gets hold of them, they are as cloaked as a priest. Unfortunately for male skin lovers, Hollywood got Jason early. Yeesh!

Jason has at least given us some nudity, but usually it's a copout. He was supposed to be fully naked in Death Race, and talked all about it in his interviews about the film, but as usual it was all bluster and no buttage. Just some very distant shots and oblique angles. 



Here are some shots from the aforementioned, Crank, an abysmal film that I would rank as being one of the meanest and worst movies I've ever seen. At least we did get to see some ass shots from Jason in this one...

video


video



Jason made a sequel to this dreadful movie, and even the idea of him getting naked could't get me into the theatre to see it. Still, he did deliver more skin in it than he has in any other movie. In the first film he and his leading lady Amy Smart have sex in a public place to keep his heart going, yet the whole damn thing is filmed so as to avoid showing any skin at all. There must have been more complaints than NBC is getting for its Olympic coverage right now (how's that for topical?), because in the sequel they finally gave us a clear view of Jason's glorious butt, and nudity from different positions.










This gives an entirely new meaning to plowing a chick, doesn't it?



Okay, so it's on a race track and he's getting muddy. Beggars can't be choosers.



We'll end on the cleanest and best shot....


Jason Statham, former Olympian and model, and current actor and Friday Fab 40!

4 comments:

  1. I've always thought he was gorgeous, even when he's supposed to look grungy. & that ass? Needs to be worshiped!! I didn't know about Jason being in the Olympics though.

    In the pic, 7th from the bottom, is that a glimpse of his dick I see?

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  2. That's a good question, tri. I can't tell if it's his dick or the top her vag. It's sort of a Rorschach test. If you see vag, you're straight; if you see dick, you're gay. LOL!

    Actually, given the pixelating in the other pics, it appears they are trying to conceal her, so chances are that it is him! :)

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  3. No es mi tipo de hombre, aúnque reconozco que tiene un buen físico de macho. Sin embargo a mi chico le tiene loquito. Tiemblo cuando estrenan o emiten alguna peli suya, porque ese día su polla me destroza.

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